Category: <span>Connection</span>

Why Emotional Needs Matter

Dear Reader,

 

“A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick.”

-Brene Brown

As a former teacher, I have seen how important, in our culture, is to think our way through things with a heavy emphasis on thoughts and changing mindset.  There is no doubt that our mind is incredible and capable of amazing things.

Meta-cognition (thinking about our thinking) was very important in helping students develop critical thinking skills.  In essence, it helps us formulate decisions, problem solving, planning, and organizing.

Now, as a mental health counselor, I understand how important and essential emotional needs are.  So, let’s begin with one important question:

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2 Important Types of Empathy

You matter.

What is empathy?

We have heard this word go around the internet and even in conversation when considering the emotions of others and those that surround us; but what is it really?

According to Lanzoni (2018), it is the ability to understand and experience the pain, happiness, excitement, sorrow, and so on of others. It is the ability to see the world through their eyes and comprehend their decisions along with the reactions to the world around them. Pretty powerful stuff, right?

However, empathy is much more than this definition.

So, a little history, the concept of empathy—or being able to comprehend and experience other’s pains—goes way back to the Greeks, more specifically, Aristotle. He believed that the human journey to happiness and humanity, consisted of being able to connect emotionally with others’ despair/happiness (Lanzoni).

            As time has progressed, science evolved, and the implementation of psychology and psychotherapy, so has the concept of empathy. Empathy has actually split into two different concepts of comprehension.

There is emotional empathy and cognitive empathy.

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5 Things to Consider when Navigating Uncertainty in Relationships

Dear Reader,

Naturally, life and human behavior can be both predictable and unpredictable.  In relationships uncertainty is closely tied to vulnerability“What ifs and How comes?” are questions that surface and recycle themselves both in our minds and in our hearts.

 

Therefore, to define uncertainty I like to reference Brené Brown’s research on vulnerability:

“I define vulnerability as uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. With that definition in mind, let’s think about love. Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can’t ensure, who may stay in our lives or may leave without a moment’s notice, who may be loyal to the day they die or betray us tomorrow—that’s vulnerability.”

Simply put, uncertainty is a form of vulnerability and courage.  We do, hope and love in spite of our fears.  The challenge with uncertainty is that there are no promises, no guarantees or assurances.  It can truly trigger fear in us which can lead to a fight or flight response.  We can feel both activated and powerless at the same time.

That is not to say that we don’t like uncertainty.  To some degree it actually brings variety and spontaneity to life which can be delightful and fun.  But, in some cases, too much uncertainty can leave us feeling insecure and doubtful.

Therefore, let’s consider the following 5 things when navigating uncertainty in relationships:

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Wired to connect. Wired to grow.

Dear reader, 

Are relationships feeling complicated?

As much as connecting is important and valuable, it can be a great source of conflict.  Sometimes, it’s assumed that being in a relationship should be natural, effortless or easy.  However, relationships require attention, effort, and development.  There are essentials ingredients to helping them work.

What research has shown is that we are wired to connect, both at a biological and intuitive level.  We need connection to survive and thrive.  But, what do we do when it’s just too complicated to get along?

There are ways to improve the quality of relationships.  The first step is to reflect on the quality of our current relationships.  Dr. Amy Banks, explains that a way to assess relationships is to rate and reflect on 4 ingredients such as: safety, acceptance, mirroring, and energy.

We are capable of improving the quality of relationships within what’s under our control.  There are variables that are simply not a reflection of us, but the other individual’s past and present circumstances.  With that said, that helps us know our own boundaries and how far we can develop a relationship without sacrificing our needs and dignity.

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Why Emotional Needs Matter

Dear Reader,   “A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, …